Tuesday, December 22, 2015

Codependency: The Illusion of Potential

You knew he was a narcissist when you met him.  But you fell in love with him anyway.  I mean, he was an awesome guy, and he had great potential.  He just needed someone to help him realize it, right?

Wrong.  Great potential in a narcissist is an illusion.  Most have no intention of doing the work to make that potential a reality.  Instead, you’ve been trying to do the work for him, haven’t you?

True, he can be sweet, loving, and wonderful.  But those are fleeting moments, aren’t they?  Most of the time he can’t remember anything you’ve said.  He breaks every promise he makes to you and thinks it’s no big deal.  You’ve been together for years, and he still doesn’t know your favorite color.  He even blames you for his mistakes. 

Worst of all, he’s a master at gaslighting and twisting the truth.  You’re so confused you don’t know what to believe.  You’ve cried more tears during the years you’ve been with him than any other time in your life.  You’ve even developed some health problems that won’t go away.

So why are you still with him?  He may have great potential, but it’s his responsibility to make that a reality.  Not yours.  Part of healing from codependency means walking away from abusive, self-absorbed, narcissistic people.  Even if it’s the man you love. 

Be good to yourself.  Get professional help.  Find a therapist or life coach to show you how to rearrange your priorities, so you’re at the top of your list rather than at the bottom. 

Your potential is not an illusion.  It deserves all your attention.  Concentrate on developing your potential instead of his.  I think it’s time, don’t you?

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